I interpreted this topic as “Why I take writing classes” as opposed to “Why I write” because given free time I most likely would not be found writing. This is not because I don’t enjoy writing. When assigned a topic for which I have a passion and that allows for a reasonable degree of freedom, I will most likely look back on the hours I spent free-writing as highly satisfying. The repurposing I wrote for Gateway is an example of the sort of topic that allowed me to immerse myself in the subject and lose track of how long I had been at my computer. However, like most college students, my daily life is consumed by checking off items on my mythical “To-Do” list and procrastinating while I should be doing so. Nonetheless, there are aspects about my writing process that, upon self-evaluation, reveal that I write for the process itself.

         I almost always write between the hours of 10pm and 3am. This is not because I procrastinate, which I often do, but is because I have the most lucid, emotional thoughts late at night. It is as if I need to trick myself into being completely candid with myself. For a long time, I set a rule that I would not send texts after midnight because I almost always was not thinking logically by this point. After midnight, I am liable to be irrational about just about anything including schoolwork, sports, and relationships. For example, it is likely I will candidly reveal my true feelings to a girl after midnight when during the day I would be much coyer. These texts after midnight almost always result in morning regret.

         However, for the same reasons that I try to limit my phone activity after midnight, I try to write as much as possible during this time. After midnight I am able to truthfully assess my feelings and write thoughtfully. Specifically, in the case of my gateway repurposing, I wrote the core of my letter-to-self after 11pm. Writing late enabled me to reflect on my experiences over the last few years and analyze the ways in which my relationships evolved because of my cancer diagnosis. Writing about my experience with cancer is a prime example of the type of reflecting I like to get out of writing. I physically came to tears when writing about my relationship with my brother that has evolved because of my diagnosis and his donation for my transplant. This is the type of writing that I see myself continuing to undertake after I graduate from college.

         When I was writing my gateway letter-to-self I wrote the letter picturing my parents’ reaction to it. Even though I know my mom will cry when she reads it no matter what, I tried to tailor it to maximize her emotional reaction. Throughout my treatment, my mom thought I should keep a journal and attempt to write a book once I was healthy. My uncle even bought me a journal in which to jot down my daily thoughts and reactions to treatment that day. In retrospect, that is something I would like to look back on. So, for my letter-to-self, I tried to make up for the lack of journaling that I did while I was sick.

          I enjoy writing about personal experiences. Mainly, writing about my battle with cancer is the topic that I have written the most about. I feel challenged by this topic because it gives me the greatest opportunity to reflect and come to a meaningful conclusion. My diagnosis is something that often doesn’t feel real to me and I have struggled to put words to it in conversation. Writing has allowed me to think deeply about the situation and try to extract true meaning from the experience.

         Outside of writing about my personal life, I enjoy writing about sports and politics. I enjoyed writing about sports in English 225 and especially enjoyed the freedom I was afforded on topics in that class. Like most students, I respond negatively to tight constraints on prompts. Specifically, topics such as rhetorical analyses trouble me the most because I am not able to employ much creativity. Through English 225 I could write about my sports heroes, such as Derek Jeter, and I suppose this gave me an opportunity to reflect on my reason for having these heroes in a similar way that I reflected on my diagnosis.

         The role of writing in my life will quickly evolve in two years. Until now, starting in elementary school all the way through middle school, high school, and college, I have been required to write. My peers and I have been obligated to write argumentative essays, narratives, rhetorical analyses, poems, research papers, and any other form of writing you can think of. These formats were used as vehicles through which we were taught writing devices and techniques. However, I have already satisfied my formal writing requirement administered by the State of New Jersey and am two years away from graduating from the University of Michigan and moving on from any obligatory writing. Come May 2019, it will be completely up to me if I ever write in my free time or not. But I believe I will.

         I do not intend on writing many argumentative or researched papers following graduation, but I hope that journaling will be a major part of my life. This may seem optimistic because it is likely that I will be even more busy after college than I am now. However, I anticipate that after a long day of work I will find solace in jotting a few notes down about that particular day’s events and interactions. If I am able to make it a habit that I do this to conclude each day, this journal will become an extremely useful tool. Not only will I be able to get out some of the emotions I was feeling that day, but I will be able to look back on the journal and remember significant moments and experiences.

         With that being said, even if I make the choice to never write again, the formal training in writing I underwent will still have been very valuable. Formal writing training enhances your ability to express yourself and articulate your point of view. No matter your career path, you will always need to be able to do this skillfully. Whether it be via email, or even face-to-face interactions, writing trains your mind to move logically from one thought to the next towards your main purpose.

         Ultimately, I have concluded that I write because it gives me the opportunity to express myself in ways that aren’t possible for me verbally. For instance, in this portfolio I was able to communicate the significance of my relationship with my brother to him in ways that I never otherwise could. I would never simply open up to my brother during a game of basketball in the driveway or while playing Xbox in our living room. That is just not our relationship. However, in this portfolio I was able to put my thoughts to paper and signify the unspoken bond between us. I hope that he will read it, however I know we won’t discuss it. Just a head nod, and we’ll resume our perpetual driveway-basketball rivalry.