On May 30, 2014 I could be found daydreaming about how wonderful the next few months of my life would be. I was just 19 days away from my high school graduation and was looking ahead to graduation celebrations, pool parties, and trips to the beach with my friends. I was making plans to play hockey or basketball with my friends after school, anything to make sure I seized every moment of this last summer with my best friends before temporarily going our separate ways. I was in peak physical condition and was starting to see the fruition of three months of waking up at five o’clock in the morning six days per week to train in anticipation of beginning my college football career at Lehigh University. I was getting excited to play in the Paul Robeson East vs. West All-Star Football Classic in just 10 days, which I had been selected to play in and had begun practicing for after school.

            On May 30, 2014 you would be hard-pressed to find a kid happier than me. Simply put, I felt invincible. Not even the uncharacteristic exhaustion I had felt the day before at football practice, which prompted me to consult my pediatrician and have routine blood work done, could affect my high spirits. It was a glorious, sunny morning but I had to miss my morning workout and was going to be late to school that day because my parents and I had an appointment at the hematology center in Newark, New Jersey. Hearing of the appointment was disappointing, as it was the perfect Friday and my days of high school were coming to a close. However I was not too disappointed, as I knew I would be back at school by lunch and would head to football practice afterwards with two of my best friends. As the day progressed, though, it became clear to me that I would not be returning to class at my beloved high school; ever.

            On May 30, 2014 I was diagnosed with high-risk Acute Lymphoblastic Leukemia. This diagnosis was jarring. I was in the best shape of my life and had no history of cancer in my family. My mind raced as I tried to suppress tears and feign a calm demeanor in front of my parents, whom had already been informed of the prognosis and were visibly heartbroken. I learned that I would need to be admitted to the Intensive care unit at Newark Beth Israel Hospital immediately to begin chemotherapy in the coming days, and that I would not be going to college next year. I was told that my road to recovery would take three and a half years of intense chemotherapy to restore my health and my normal lifestyle. However, just one month later I was diagnosed with hypo diploid leukemia, a rare leukemia subtype found in only 1% of pediatric leukemia patients. This meant that chemotherapy alone would not keep me in remission, and I would require a bone marrow transplant. Luckily, despite only a 25% chance my brother turned out to be a perfect match for the transplant that would ultimately save my life. On October 2, 2014 I successfully underwent bone marrow transplant and steadily began my recovery. Finally, after forty-three days spent in isolation at New York Presbyterian Hospital due to my compromised immune system, I was released from the hospital and slowly resumed my normal life.

            On May 30, 2014, however, I was given an opportunity. While seemingly contradictory to reason, my battle with cancer has given me far more than it has taken away. Like all cancer survivors, since being diagnosed my life has undergone some radical changes. One example of this is my choice to attend the University of Michigan. All through high school my mother had impressed upon me that I should stay close to home for college. As many mothers do, she worried about me going far away to a school where I did not know anybody and anything about the region. I did not protest. I grew up playing sports and going to school with the same group of kids since kindergarten and saw no reason to stray outside of my comfort zone. As such, I settled on playing football at Lehigh University in Pennsylvania, a school only 60 minutes from my home in West Caldwell, New Jersey. Several of my other classmates were headed to Lehigh as well, and I was excited to pick up right where I left off in high school.

            However, after taking a full year after high school to face my disease head-on, I experienced a change of heart. Doctors advised me that playing college football would not be a smart choice for me following the high levels of chemotherapy and radiation that I had undergone, so I settled on giving up football in the best interests of my health. Interestingly enough, I was not upset by the doctors’ suggestion. After having a year to hear about the experiences of some of my friends who had started careers in college athletics, I realized that the rigid life of a college athlete was not for me. I, also, was no longer interested in making what I saw as the safe choice to stay close to home for college. In terms of my continuing education, I saw cancer as an intervention into my life that I should take advantage of by embarking on a new experience. With that I applied to the University of Michigan and have not looked back since. By leaving the comfort of my home and coming to the University of Michigan, I have built skills inside and outside of the classroom that I never could have without striving to venture outside of my comfort zone. I never would have realized this life-changing opportunity had I not been diagnosed with leukemia, which I am now thankful for every day.

            On the other hand, not all cancer survivors share the gratefulness that I do for the disease. Barbara Ehrenreich is a survivor of breast cancer that is angered by what she sees as a prevailing notion that cancer must be confronted with a positive attitude. In her book Smile or Die: How Positive Thinking Fooled America and the World, Ehrenreich explains that “What it gave me, if you want to call this a "gift", was a very personal, agonizing encounter with an ideological force in American culture that I had not been aware of before – one that encourages us to deny reality, submit cheerfully to misfortune and blame only ourselves for our fate” (Ehrenreich). Ehrenreich’s concern with the idea that those battling cancer are forced into a positive attitude is very understandable and necessary to consider. Illness is a very personal matter that is handled differently by everyone unfortunate enough to encounter it. Cancer, especially, is an extremely deadly disease that has impacted nearly everyone in one way or another. It can be a very sensitive subject for those whom have lost loved ones or have had to go through the grueling process of helplessly watching a friend or family member struggle through such a terrible ordeal. I would even argue that it is more difficult to watch someone you love battle cancer than it is to go through it yourself, as the feeling of helplessness can be overwhelming. In my own experiences, the worst part of my treatment was watching my mother cry during particularly invasive aspects of my treatment. As a caretaker, I can only imagine how impossible it must seem to frame the disease as a blessing, and I believe that only cancer victims can possibly picture the disease in this light.

            With that being said, I respectfully disagree with Ehrenreich’s claims about the misleading nature of positivity in the face of cancer. My experiences have led me to believe that not only is a positive attitude useful in maintaining a normal lifestyle during adverse times, but that positivity is actually helpful in defeating the disease. In my case, my positive attitude led me to being released from the hospital after forty-three days spent in isolation. The oncologist that treated me at New York Presbyterian Hospital reported to me that forty-three days was the shortest hospitalization period he had ever encountered in bone marrow transplant patients. I attribute this to the burning desire I had to leave my treatment behind and resume my normal life, and the overwhelming positivity from my family and friends. Without the positive reinforcement of my family and friends, I know I would not have been able to keep up the high spirits that led to my successful fight with leukemia.

            Admittedly, it is not always easy to stay positive when you are a cancer patient. Not every story is a success story like mine. More often, cancer hits the hardest when you least expect it, or returns when you are just beginning the process of resuming your normal life. Just when things seem to be getting better is when cancer can exact cruel, devastating damage. However, in these situations when it is most difficult, it is more important than ever to stay positive. While cancer can ravage your body, your mindset is one of the lone aspects of your fight that you can control. As such, it is imperative to beat back the negativity that looms at every turn.

            During my treatment, I was lucky enough to receive a phone call from New York Giants linebacker Mark Herzlich. As a Giants fan, I was star-struck when I received Mark’s call, but as a cancer patient I was even more thrilled. Herzlich was an All-American linebacker at Boston College when he was diagnosed with bone cancer in 2009, and is famous for successfully conquering the disease and returning to the football field against all odds. When I spoke to Herzlich, he gave me a few tips about what to expect from chemotherapy, but above all else stressed that positivity would be my biggest asset throughout my treatment process. This was something he reiterated in the book he authored chronicling his battle with the rare form of bone cancer known as Ewing’s Sarcoma titled What It Takes: Fighting For My Life and My Love of the Game. After getting the chance to speak to Herzlich and reading his book, I knew that I was not as helpless to leukemia as I originally presumed and determined that with persistence and positivity I would be able to defeat leukemia and thrive in its wake just like Herzlich. Now, as a survivor, I know my cancer survival has been a positive experience in that it has fostered characteristics of resilience, persistence, and determination to an extent that I never could have otherwise developed.

            I am not the only survivor that has seen their encounter with cancer as a positive experience. Fifty-four year old triathlon champion Karen Newman, also, attributes cancer to affecting a positive change in her life. After suffering from bulimia for years, Newman’s diagnosis showed her the evils of her eating disorder as she proclaims, “Cancer was an enormous blessing. It saved my life. That may sound crazy, but it’s true. The disease taught me that our greatest trials can be our greatest opportunities for growing and finding purpose” (Newman). Newman’s interpretation of her diagnosis as an intervention is similar to the way that many victims of the disease are able to put a positive spin on their experiences. Karen’s case is especially significant in that it was able to cure her of a mental illness that had been bogging her down for years. The life-changing nature of Karen Newman’s cancer diagnosis is the perfect example of the potential for positive change in one’s life following a life-threatening diagnosis.

            While Newman’s positive takeaway is especially profound, there are positive experiences that all cancer survivors can take away. One such result is a profound appreciation for life that can only be achieved by persevering in the face of death. For me, this appreciation is in the form of a video I discovered several months after my treatment that I hope to carry with me, if not physically but mentally, for the rest of my life. It is a video that I must have taken unconsciously, as I have no recollection of taking it and only found it by chance. In the video, I am groaning in discomfort, bald, and covered in a horrible rash that covered my body for a week during my treatment. In the background, the loud beeping of my blood pressure monitor that kept me awake most nights can be heard. It is the only image I have of myself from my time in the hospital and is something I reference from time to time when I am upset about something or feel down on my luck. Whenever I see it, I remember how tough those days were for me during that period of my life and reflect on the other children on my hospital floor that were in situations much worse than my own. It makes me realize how fortunate I am to now be living a healthy life and reminds me to take nothing for granted. Ultimately, it puts the trivial highs and lows of my everyday life in perspective.

            The positive effect cancer has had on my life is ongoing. I feel I continue to beat the disease every time I take advantage of my status as a cancer survivor or tell someone the story of my fight with cancer. Whether it be applying for an internship, job, or scholarship I look to use my survivorship as much as possible to my advantage in order to turn the tables on the disease. More than this, I am proud to call myself a cancer survivor. I appreciate the surprise on someone’s face when I explain that less than two years ago I was diagnosed with a rare form of leukemia. It gives me the confidence to take on any challenge I encounter, knowing that I have already faced the toughest fight of my life. Additionally, it allows me to appreciate seemingly minor experiences in my everyday life that I was deprived of during my treatment. For these reasons, I am thankful for my cancer diagnosis, as it has had an ultimately positive impact on my life. I know that in the future I will be a better friend, father, and husband because of it.

           

Works Cited

Ehrenreich, Barbara. "Smile! You've Got Cancer | Barbara Ehrenreich." The Guardian. Guardian    News and Media, 01 Jan. 2010. Web. 11 Apr. 2016.

 

Kaplan, Michael. "How Cancer Made Me Kick My Demons — and Saved My Life." New York   Post. N.p., 14 Jan. 2016. Web. 11 Apr. 2016.